Stroud beat local rivals Painswick convincingly

Fame had gone to their heads. After a great showing at the Landrover Cup last weekend and the media interest in print and on-line Stroud U12’s had a lot to live upto this weekend.

Arthur had become a darling of the press after his interviews on Sunday and rumour had it was seen out at the Brits music awards earlier this week. On social media he was trending above Adele with the twitter tag #Early-Never-Late-to-the-Party.

Even David Cameron was trying to align himself to Stroud U12’s to help his ‘Stay in Europe’ campaign. The blue shirts and the chance of future kids European rugby had attracted him but no one had explained to him that the Landrover cup was a junior competition and it was only the pro teams that got to partake in European matches…..

Old Pats had withdrawn from the original planned fixture due to concerns over the media scrum, let alone the dominating Stroud scrum. Harry from One Direction was supposedly in attendance to see what the Arthur phenomenon was all about so he could increase his attraction with the youngsters.

To make up for the Old Pats cancellation Stroud needed a low key fixture – so who should step up and turn up the intensity levels but local rivals Painswick for a derby confrontation. School mate vs school mate sprung to mind.

Following their increase in confidence the kids were even more gobby in warm-ups. To try and keep the kids in check Chris and Russell gave them an extended warm-up session for pay back. The only pay back I felt though was on my body at 10pm tonight after I took more pain than the kids. Kids always win.....

Seeing the success of their kids the parents were also angling to get press exposure. The Organ’s were always in the reporter’s ear for many weeks – Father, Mother, Elder Son and Younger Son. Orgy was becoming notorious for trying to claim every positive move and try, even when watching from the sideline.

The worst offender this week though was Archie’s dad. He kept trying to tell the reporter how to spell his sons name for the match report. All the reporter could remember was the surname of C-U-R-T-I-S. It was definitely not E-V-A-N-S. This was going to be easy – just mention Flash a lot in the report. Then Archie’s dad went for the emotional blackmail and said that Archie’s mum Debbie would love to read the match report. The reporter was confused as he knew that Jim wasn’t married to Debbie. Then he realised it was Stu trying various underhand tactics to influence the match report – congrats it worked because your son played great and didn’t need any influencing for inclusion.

FYI – Flash wasn’t here this week so any mention of Archie is the Rodborough version.

Game 1

Stroud kicked off and quickly got a turnover. The ball came out to the backs and Archie (not Flash!) made a good run and then offloaded to Keyan who was penalised for a handoff. Painswick took a quick penalty but Keyan put in a big tackle to force a ruck. Stroud won the turnover and the ball came out quickly from Hilly and released Dave to score in the left corner for 1-0 lead.

Painswick kicked off long and somehow managed to recover their own kick. Strouds defence held strong though and forced a turnover from Orgy. This setup another backs move and the ball quickly came out to Archie on the left wing who made some good ground before being pushed out. Painswick won their lineout and attacked a few times but to no avail. Laurie was instrumental in forcing another turnover and this gave Joe an opportunity to attack left, and then cut back to the right on a weaving run. Will got the ball and set off to the left and drew a few defenders and at the perfect time passed to Dave who had an easy try in the left corner for 2-0.

Painswick kicked off short this time, but still showed good technique to recover their own kick. Play slowed up though and Stroud were awarded a scrum. Callum (replacing a pre-game injured Liam) showed good technique and put in a great shove with Stoner to give Orgy an easy hook. Again quick ball from Hilly to Will then meant Dave was released on the right wing and managed to cut back inside to score his hat trick try within the first 10 minutes of game.

Another Painswick kickoff but this time Keyan was upto the task and caught it cleanly. As he ran up the middle he spotted Arthur and put in a good pass. Arthur galloped away and was held up but got the ball to Will who faked a pass and cut inside. Keyan took a long pass from Will and made more ground before good Painswick tackles forced a ruck. More quick hands and the ball was back in Archie’s hands for another probing run down the left before cutting back inside and been tackled. Painswick were penalised at the ruck though and Stroud took a quick penalty to Keyan who rumbled down the middle for a try and 4-0 lead.

Arthur went off with an injury – claiming a calf strain but we were suspicious it was a hand injury from all the autograph signing he must have done this week. Finn came on as a more than able replacement.

After the kick off Painswick won a lineout but a great leap from Stoner stole the ball. The backs called another set move and Alex joined the line at pace and took it on. As he was tackled he offloaded to Keyan who had looped around. Keyan weaved down the left wing and threatened the try line and we thought he had scored but the ref adjudged – and Keyan agreed – that he had stepped out of play. The half time whistle went with Stroud leading 4-0 after a typically slow start from them.

Subs en-masse were taken and Liam was deemed fit enough to play. Arthur unfortunately declared himself out for rest of game though – and was then seen sprinting to the helicopter that had just landed declaring the Oscar party’s he had been invited to in LA were going to be immense and the hot date with Beyonce would be worth the jetlag. It was going to be tight though as the flight to LA left Heathrow at 1pm…..

2nd half started with a Painswick kick and Liam run back. Play slowed up though and Painswick were awarded a scrum but another hook against the head – this time Liam as hooker for a resting Orgy – gave Stroud the ball. Before you could say try Dave had sprinted through the middle and scored Stroud’s 5th.

Painswick kicked long and again Stroud let it bounce around (kick recovery drills next week lads…). An alert Finn touched it down in dead ball area and Painswick had a scrum 5. Another great shove from Lucas and Jedd with Harry won the ball though. Dave kicked deep but Painswick fullback C-U-R-T-I-S (or was it Archie, Stu?) ran it back strongly. Stroud won another turnover from Harry but ball went out of play and Painswick had a lineout which they duly won. Alex put in a good tackle and then Painswick were penalised at the resulting breakdown. Keyan barrelled forward. Another penalty. This time it was Stoners turn to run over a few unfortunate Painswick players.

Play went through a few phases with both teams getting the ball. In one phase Alex put in a strong tackle and was then quick enough (unlike his Dad) to get back to his feet and steal the ball. This setup another ruck which resulted in Keyan getting the ball at pace who straightened his run to score in the middle for a 6-0 lead.

Another deep Painswick kickoff and another catch by Keyan. This time he showed his ball skills by faking a kick and then taking off up the left wing. A desperate tap tackle by the full back was enough to trip Keyan up but as he wasn’t held he quickly regained his footing to then dive for the line and a 7-0 lead and a hat trick from Keyan. At this point Keyan’s dad Jon questioned the integrity of the match reporters notes as he thought it was all made up – but when he saw I was on my 10th page of notes he realised perhaps there was an occasional element of truth in the drivel I write, and the justification for him having to pay Keyan £1 try bonuses like he did last season that cost him an arm and a leg.

Painswick kicked deep and the ball bounced out for a Stroud lineout. Liam called Orgys favourite lineout move and another accurate throw found Lucas who tapped back to Hilly. Quick hands got the ball to Alex who made some ground and then saw a gap and kicked long. Painswick recovered but that just meant Dave tackled their player and Stoner won the turnover. The ball came out to Riley who dodged a few tackles. A well supporting Harry helped win the breakdown and this time Finn made some more gains but a penalty was awarded against Stroud. Painswick had a penalty that they ran back. Alex again showed good tackle technique and resultant steal.

A few more attacking moved from Stroud through James and Jedd kept the pressure on Painswick. Strong support at the breakdown by Harry and Lucas kept the ball alive. Painswick did force a turnover though and kicked deep that Finn caught really well under pressure but the ref brought the ball back for a previous penalty. Painswick kicked for touch but a well placed Keyan swallowed the ball in his mouth and ran it back. Liam took the ball on and another ruck formed. This time it was Stoners turn to put in a massive clear-out and take the player out of the way and nearly off the pitch – all legally. Stroud were awarded a scrum on own 5 that they duly won and Will kicked long for touch.

Painswick win their own lineout and had a good run that missed a few Stroud tackles. The one that didn’t miss though was Keyan who had listened to Jo’s advice and was now tackling lower down and forcing the players to the ground quickly. Stroud won the lineout but were penalised at next breakdown so Painswick had the chance for an attacking scrum. They managed to win it and their sniping scrum half went blindside down the left and an unlucky James wasn’t able to hold on long enough to stop the try and a 7-1 score.

Stroud kicked off and Harry and James combined to force the player out of play. Stroud won the lineout via Keyan and the ball came through all the backs and onto Riley who showed good awareness to force some missed tackles, before he was then forced out of play himself. Lucas stole the Painswick lineout though which gave Harry a chance to attack. The ball came back to Keyan who ran up the middle and then passed to Dave who scored in right corner for a 8-1 lead.

Stroud ran the kickoff back via Keyan again. A well supporting Finn took the ball on up the middle. A ruck formed and Will was spoilt for choice with options on his outside but he cleverly saw a gap and cut back inside for a well-deserved try and a 9-1 lead.

A final Painswick kickoff was rewarded with a bruising Finn run back. Play broke down and the ref blew for full time.

Final Score Painswick 1-9 Stroud

Game 2

Stroud went all experimental for the first half of this game with Alex coming in at fly half and the backs all mixed up and Joe at full back. The forwards were equally mixed up to try some new combinations.

With Will and Dave on the side Hilly took on the responsibility of kick-offs. His first one put pressure on Painswick player who dropped it out of play. Stroud won the lineout with Laurie and Hilly quickly got the ball to Alex. Finn cut back inside at pace and the well planned switch move worked to perfection with no one coming close to tackling Finn. This time he didn’t repeat his Chosen Hill error and touched down before he crossed the A46 at 25mph.

Painswick kicked off and it was Orgy’s chance of inclusion in match report. He’s watched Liam do his hooker role admirably so needed to impress the coaches. Eeyorre went the cry (from his parents only…) as he dropped the kick-off forward. The match reporter was prepared to overlook this slight mistake but parent pressure forced its inclusion so brother Chris could wind him up royally. Painswick had a scrum that they duly won but Hilly put in a good tackle to force a ruck. A quick breakdown win by Painswick gave them the ball and they ran right and a few missed tackled gave them a try and 1-1 score.

Hilly again kicked off and this time Painswick kicked back. Joe caught it well and ran it back with authority. Liam took the ball on at the breakdown and passed to Archie who again showed great skills (unlike his Dad) to spot the gap and see a looping Joe who scored in the right corner for a 2-1 lead. The game then stopped for a few minutes while an injured Painswick player was attended to.

At the next kickoff it was Finn’s turn to do a long run back. Stroud were awarded a penalty which Liam took with a typical barrelling run that drew in about 3 tacklers. The ball was kept alive cleverly though and Joe scored in the right corner for 3-1 lead.

This time Archie ran back the kickoff. The ball came back inside to Callum, Jedd, Joe and then Riley. Another good run by Riley was unfortunate to end with him being pushed out of play. Painswick won the lineout and kicked deep to relieve the pressure. Another good Joe catch and run back set up another attacking opportunity. Again the ball came to Riley and the parents willed him over the line but he was held up. Painswick stole the ball and kicked deep. This time a retreating Finn recovered the ball and ran it back. Mr T took the ball on and then Liam. Stroud were camped close to the try line and good support by the forwards gave good attacking ball. Alex passed to Finn and then looped around the back to receive the ball back and score a try for 4-1 lead.

Painswick kicked long and recovered their own kick. They threatened to score in the left corner but Mr T put in a humdinger of a tackle to force the player out of play, and his body into next week. Painswick won the lineout and big guy attacked the line but Finn showed great resolve to hold him up and then the rest of the forwards led by Harry and Lucas stopped the ball from coming out so Stroud won a penalty. Alex took the penalty kick and found touch with a spiral kick (again unlike his Dad). Stroud won their lineout and Jedd attacked well but play slowed up and the ref blew for half time.

More subs were taken and a more conventional lineup ensued. Painswick kicked off short and Stoner caught it well and ran it back. At the resultant breakdown Keyan got the ball and scored in the middle for 5-1 lead. Next kickoff and Archie ran it back well (unlike his Dad). The ball went onto Joe who was held up close to the line. The ball came out quickly and again Archie was really close to scoring (unlike his Dad – spot a theme here Stu?). Liam won the ball at the breakdown and dived over the line for a 6-1 lead.

In the next attacking phase Stroud won a lineout via Stoner. Dave ran down the right wing and was forced out. Painswick knocked on the lineout so Stroud had a scrum that they won which gave Dave the attacking platform to run in a try in the right corner for 7-1 lead.

This time Will ran back the kickoff. A good Painswick tackle forced a ruck which Stroud won through more good clearouts from Laurie and Orgy. The ball turned up in Keyans hands again (he has a real knack for waiting in the 10 channel at the right time!) and he set up down the right wing for a long run and a score. 8-1 to Stroud.

Another kickoff and time for Orgy to show his improved catching skills. With the Eeyoores still echoing around he caught the ball cleanly and ran it back really well. Showing great technique he offloaded in the tackle to Riley who was pushed out of play. Painswick won their lineout but good pressure from Will and Dave forced another turnover. Keyan was responsible for this steal. For some reason Stroud were penalised so Painswick kicked deep. Finn ran it back well and more good attacking play from James and Callum kept the pressure on Painswick. Another turnover though and Painswick kicked deep for the corner.

Stroud won the lineout via Laurie and Joe went to kick but a good Painswick charge down kept the ball close to Stroud try line. Liam and Keyan took it in turns to make good runs though and the final passage of play ended up with Keyan running up the left wing and scoring the final try for a 9-1 score and the sound of the full time whistle.

Final Score Painswick 1-9 Stroud

Wrap Up

Both sets of players and school friends formed tunnels and congratulated each other for a well played mornings rugby. Stroud had won 18-2 or 90-10 in old money….

Man of the match for the forwards was awarded to Lucas with a special mention for Harry.

Man of the match for the backs was awarded to Finn with a special mention for Riley.

We all retired to the bar for a well earnt beer and J2O’s for the kids – plus hot dogs, crisps, crunchie bars etc. No wonder the kids like playing rugby if they eat like kings for lunch.

So who will get the journalist curse this week? Last week it was Arthur for his media exposure and then leg injury. This week it is deserving of either Mr Evans or Mr Organ for their attempts to influence this match report. As we shook hands I realised that their hands were too soft to imply hard outdoor work or home DIY so I warned them to be careful of accidents like back stains from the hoovering (that’s the Dyson contraption in the corner Stu), or from skin eczema from the washing up.

Remember parents and kids the Pen is mightier than the Sword. You can’t buy my favouritism – unless its for a £1….. (Stu – here is £1 so you can pick Alex for footy match next week).