A Lidl squad of Colts give Wootton food for thought with strong performance

Stroud were on the revenge trail. They wanted to get the bitter taste of Minch defeat out of their mouths so Jane kindly organised a last minute friendly against Royal Wootton Bassett who had dominated Stroud 31-7 at Fromehall in November. Admittedly we were missing a lot of players back then but still it was a big hill to climb. And the hill got even steeper as the pre-game call offs mounted with injuries and other commitments affecting the squad depth.

Much like the 1st game we pulled together a squad of 15 players and one food deprived sub who would take some time to get match ready.

Medic Delia was unavailable so her able replacement was anointed. Bill the plumber had dexterous hands, a mean looking tool bag with wrenches and assorted fillers, and a hotline to wife Delia to talk through any serious looking injuries. That was enough to scare the players into staying match fit and not wanting medical attention! With the late kickoff we were able to send Bill off to Lidl and he came back with copious helpings of food to feed the players – and soak up the hangovers that were affecting a few parents.

While Mr T was choosing his sandwiches between a BLT, Ham & Cheese, and Chicken Surprise (its made of German turkey) Jane and Jo rejigged another lineup to take on their strong opponents.

Forwards: Bernie, Freddie, Stoner, Jedd, Darion, Laurie, Rhys, Joe
Backs: Lewis, Will-H, Will-C, Dougie, Myles, Jake, Alex
Subs: Mr BLT

Stroud kicked off into the stiff wind and Royal Wootton Bassett (RWB) knocked on. Dougie spotted a gap and kicked into space but RWB recovered it well and kicked back deep with the wind giving them a net gain of 30 metres. Alex chased back and recovered the ball and then kicked it into touch in the RWB 22. Wootton won their lineout and kicked again to relieve pressure. Dependable Laurie won the Stroud lineout and Darion trucked it up into contact and won a penalty that was kicked to touch knowing that Laurie would win the lineout….which he duly did. Lewis set the backs off and Will-H drew the defender perfectly and set Jake down the wing. The full back put in a strong tackle to halt the attack. The ball came back to Will and he dinked a kick over the top into the 22 that forced RWB to take the ball back into the try area and give Stroud an attacking scrum 5 metres out.

A strong push from Bernie, Freddie and Stoner won the ball and RWB were forced to concede a penalty. Stroud kicked to touch and Laurie again won the lineout. The forwards drove to the line. Darion went Rhino but RWB held firm. Lewis saw the defenders getting sucked in and sent the ball out to the backs. Dougie crashed up the middle and did well to keep the ball under control with a ferocious tackle. Will-H saw the gap and threw a long pass to Myles who dived over the line in the right corner. The conversion was missed but Stroud were in front 5-0.

Freddie ran back the kickoff well. Then Jedd had a punishing run - a low chop tackle started to bring him down and his flowing locks did the rest as they got caught up in the Wootton mud. A nasty face plant was his reward for forgetting his scrum cap. Jane was worried for a concussion so sent Bill onto the pitch to medically assess his son. Jedd told his dad where to keep his Swarfega so that was enough for the ref to be happy Jedd was 100% fit to continue and his marbles were intact! Stroud had a scrum restart on halfway and Will-H attacked left and threw some good dummy moves to get deep into the RWB half. Then Laurie took the ball into contact but RWB won a penalty that was kicked to touch.

Laurie was immense in the air and stole the lineout throw. Will kicked deep to put pressure on the RWB lineout but they won it 2nd time. Their big runner crashed up the middle and ran over a few tacklers and was picking up a head of steam. Only Alex was left and in typical fashion brought down the runner and forced a knock-on. Try saved and Stroud’s lead was intact. Stroud won their scrum in their own 22 and attacked left but the ball went loose as the defenders closed down the gaps. Bernie had to come off as his boot was falling apart. Bill to the rescue again with his electrical tape proving its medical value to the game of rugby. Mr BLT was needed on the pitch. The game was held up for 5 minutes while he finished his sandwich and then had his dessert of Apple Crumble with fresh custard heated fresh from the disposable BBQ. Bill really had proved his value to the team with his shopping prowess, culinary skills and boot maintenance. Delia would find it hard to get back in the team line-up at this rate.

RWB won their scrum but lost the ball in contact and then gave away a penalty at the breakdown. Laurie won the resulting lineout from another expert throw-in from Freddie in tough windy conditions. The ball came out to Mr BLT and he smashed into contact aided by 3 kg of Lidl carbs. Will saw a gap and kicked into the 22. RWB went to kick it clear but a recharged Mr BLT charged down the kick with the immortal scream “500 calories left to burn – Mr T is back”!

Laurie was running on fumes after his aerial excellence so Bill ran on a Coronation Chicken Wrap to give him a boost. It sure helped as Laurie stole the Wootton throw and set his sandwich loving buddie Mr BLT back into contact. The ball was set back perfectly and Myles took the crash ball into a wrap tackle. “I’ll raise your chicken wrap with a homus (aka humungus) wrap” quipped the RWB parents. The ref liked their humour and awarded them a penalty that was kicked to halfway. RWB tapped their lineout throw but a great chase from Rhys won Stroud a penalty that Will kicked upto the 5 metre line. Laurie won the lineout and Stroud drove to the line and looked to have scored but the ball came lose on the ground and RWB kicked it away and another scoring chance went begging.

The next 10 minutes of the game was alternating kicking contest, big tackles (Dougie and Stoner leading the way as normal), and lots of scrummaging for the resulting knock-ons. RWB broke deep into the Stroud half and looked to have worked an overlap but somehow Alex came up with the ball and snuffed out another scoring opportunity. A loose Wootton hand gave Stroud a scrum and they looked to escape with another powerful push but this time the backs lost control of the ball and an errant offside then gave Wootton their scoring chance. Their penalty was kicked to the corner and they duly won their throw and pressured the Stroud line. Stout defence held them at bay for a few phases but the inevitable happened and RWB crashed their big runner over the line for a well earnt try. A good conversion gave Wootton the lead at 7-5. It had been their first sustained foray into the Stroud half and showed what could happen if you missed a few tackles.

RWB knocked on the kickoff giving Stroud a scrum on the 22 and things got worse as RWB then got penalised. Stroud kicked to the corner but couldn’t control their lineout throw. RWB were running short of props so had to go uncontested for rest of game, but this gave them an easy kick escape. The last 5 minutes of the half was more kicking and lineout practice….not that Laurie needs lineout practice… Freddie had a good runback. Bernie and Darion had some good runs. This gave Will and Myles space to attack and they made good yardage. RWB were penalised so Stroud kicked to the corner again. Laurie was again to the fore with a clean catch. Mr BLT tried to punch over the line but too much mayonnaise on his hands caused the ball to squirm loose and the chance went begging as the ref blew for half time and another round of sandwiches.

Half Time: Royal Wootton Bassett 7 – 5 Colts

Replacements were easy. Everyone wanted a rest as Bill was off on another food run. Subs for the Subs he declared as he flashed his Subway loyalty card. Stoner was the lucky recipient as he genuinely looked as pasty as a Cornish pasty. Rhys was sent back on to shore up the forward pack.

RWB kicked off and Jedd had a fantastic run back until the inevitable face plant tackle. Bernie took the ball powerfully into contact. The ball came back and Will kicked it nice and high and the wind then did the real damage. The ball bounced wildly and Myles looked to have won the kick chase but Wootton recovered well and kicked deep to Alex who safely controlled it and then set Will off. Another masterful kick to the corner put Wootton’s lineout under real pressure. Jedd stole the ball and Stroud attacked the line with Rhino’s. Joe was the strongest Rhino as he punched over the line. Another tough conversion was missed but Stroud were back in the lead at 10-7.

RWB kicked off and the hanging kick was recovered by them. Stroud were in defensive mode with Bernie, Dougie and Lewis leading the way. Brave tackles on big runners. RWB kept coming and worked the ball into the Stroud 22. They won a penalty that they tapped quickly and scored in the corner. The conversion was missed but the yo-yo game had swung back to Wootton at 12-10.

Stroud kicked off and Bernie was straight into action again with another bone crunching tackle. Unfortunately it was his cheek bones that were crunched so he had to go off for a HIA assessment. Stoner was only 6” into this footlong Subway but was feeling refreshed so was sent back into action. Bernie winked as he swapped places and eyed up the rest of the sarnie – so he was fine and just wanted a morale boosting snack……

RWB won the scrum restart and Jedd put in a dominant tackle. Stoner was pumped up with his energy influx and started to repay Bills credit card debt with another huge tackle. The ball came loose and it was hacked on into the 22. RWB could only hold on so Stroud won a penalty that Myles knocked over in tricky conditions to sneak Stroud back in front at 13-12.

RWB were again strong in the air and won their kickoff. Freddie was all over the park keeping Wootton in check. Another good tackle forced a knock-on and the threat receded…. Stroud “won” the uncontested scrum but the ball went to ground and RWB hacked it on. They knocked on during the recovery so Stroud had another scrum escape on their own 5 metre line. Another error though and the kick escape was charged down by the fast approaching flanker and Wootton dived on the loose ball and scored a try. Kick missed but Wootton were back in front at 17-13.

Wootton ran the kick off back well – helped by some poor tackling but eventually a Stoner tackle dislodged the ball – and probably a few teeth. Mr T picked from the base of the uncontested scrum and made good yardage. Rhys and Darion cleared out well and Joe went Rhino. The gaps opened up and Mr T made more good yards into the 22 and won a penalty. Stroud kicked to the corner but lost their lineout as the wind was really picking up. RWB were penalised as they drove out so Stroud took the scrum option. This time the ball came out quickly to the backs and Dougie crashed up the middle and was held up just short. Joe was quickly in position and Rhino’d his way over the line for his 2nd try of the game. The conversion was good and the Yo-Yo was back in Stroud’s favour at 20-17. Speaking of Yo-Yo’ing Bill was on the pitch handing out said named biscuits to try and keep the energy levels up.

RWB went for another high hanging kickoff and Mr T was bravely in the air to win it and got knocked illegally so won a penalty. Will kicked deep into the RWB 22 but another attacking lineout misfired as Wootton stole the ball. It came back to their 10 who went to kick it clear but under immense pressure from the Stroud charge down he missed the ball and Joe pounced on it for his hat trick score. The conversion from wide was missed but Stroud had turned defeat into potential victory with a 5 minute swing.

The next phase off the game was called “Jake Time”. It didn’t start well as Stroud knocked on the kickoff and Wootton had a good attacking option but a strong strip tackle turned the ball over to Stroud and Jake made good yardage up the left flank. Next thing we know he was crashing up the middle and into the Wootton half. In the next phase RWB intercepted the ball and kicked it clear, but that man Jake was there to run it back with interest. The ball came out to Will and he expertly kicked to the corner. RWB knocked on the lineout so Stroud took the scrum restart. Mr T picked from the base and looked close to scoring but was held up . Darion tried to Rhino over but was tackled into touch. Stroud didn’t panic though. Laurie stole the RWB throw. Jedd crashed towards the line but was held up. Darion went Rhino again and was stopped right on the line. Lewis took the correct option and got the ball out to the backs. Will aced a flat pass between uprushing defenders and found Myles who had time to run it under the posts and score his 2nd try of the game. His conversion made the score 32-17.

Wootton again won their hanging kickoff and again were met by a Freddie tackle. They went wider and met Laurie who strip (steak!) tackled the ball. Stroud couldn’t benefit though and gave away a penalty. The ball was kicked into the Stroud 22 and they won their lineout but couldn’t take advantage of it as another knock-on brought the entertaining game to an end.

Full Time: Royal Wootton Bassett 17 – 32 Colts

Both teams clapped each other off the pitch to show the excellent spirit the game was played in. It was a classic backwards and forwards contest thoroughly enjoyed by players, coaches and parents. Stroud had got suitable revenge for the 31-7 defeat at home and set them up nicely for the league game vs Matson next weekend.

Team debrief was held and it was hard to call a man of the match award. Joe had scored 3 tries and 15 points. Myles had scored twice and also kicked penalties and conversions so was 17 points to the good. Every player had contributed massively to the team effort. Even injured players had come over to watch the game. After much debate Man of the Match award was given to Bill as his constant supply of snacks had kept the energy levels high and managed to keep 15 fit and well nourished players on the pitch. Hopefully he can auction off the plastic award and help pay off his £100 credit card bill from a day out in Wiltshire.

The Clubhouse beckoned and Wootton wanted some proper nosh so Bill was sent into the kitchen to dish up more food. Sausage and chips was his go to option and everyone went home full.

Thanks to Wootton for the last minute game, providing the ref and hospitality. A series shared at 1-1 between 2 well matched teams.

No match report next week for Matson as I’m away. That’s why you can takeaway and dine out on this food inspired one…

….if anyone wants to step into the “roll” before they are Co-op’d I can give you some PG Tips. It won’t Costco much time and I wish you Aldi best for your Lidl match report. I Asda go now as the humour is getting rather stretched and there is no Safeway for this report to end. Boom Boom !