Reunion Weekend doesn’t go to plan – either in style or result

It was Reunion Weekend at Stroud RFC. The players reunion on Saturday had gone down well with the first XV squeezing out a close win, and the ex-players squeezing out every drop of alcohol in the building for the rest of the evening. Stroud U15s had their first return fixture of the season with Chippenham travelling up the A46 to try and avenge a close 51-41 defeat before Xmas.

Plan A was to resort to the kicking game that had contributed heavily to the pre-Xmas win. That wasn’t going to work – Fly half and kicking expert Will was away on a school trip, plus the quagmire that was Fromehall wasn’t conducive to a hands or feet game.

So Plan B it was then – “B” for Berry Hill. Shove it up your jumper and keep it in with the Forwards and wear down your opponents. That wasn’t going to work – we still had a raft of injuries affecting the forwards.

Onto Plan C. Coaches conflab. That wasn’t going to work – most were missing. Jo was skiing, Phil was grooving at Butlin’s rock weekend, Coach Mk II was still in re-union mode so not quite with it, and Coach Mk I was just about able to walk this weekend – but juggling team tactics, substitutions and running the line.

Lets try Plan D – Dancing backs, deft handling, delightful attacking lines. That wasn’t going to work. Too much mud – on the ball and ground. Not enough traction in the boots to turn the corner.

So Plan E it was – Express Yourselves. Just go and play your normal game and engineer a performance out of nothing.

Forwards: Lucas, Orgy, Bernie, Darion, Jedd, Euan, Stoner, Keyan
Backs: Flash, Ryan, Dave, Arthur, Fin, Billy, Nigel Owens
Subs: Callum, Big Mac, Hilly, Jamie, Liam, Bailey

So the team sheet was quite a mixture compared to normal. And ref Nigel Owens playing full back – that had to be a mistake. It looked like him – newly cut short hair, a new pair of boots as loud as you like, and the wish to be the alpha-male on the pitch. Perhaps he was warming up in player mode to be ready for the Six Nations next weekend. He certainly wasn’t going to be given the whistle as we had a more than competent professional handling that role in the absence of Jo (Thanks Malcolm for doing such a great job again). The mud (and hangover) cleared and we realised it wasn’t Nigel on the pitch. It was normal full back Alex – he had lost his Billy Twelvetree locks at the barbers, but over compensated with a new pair of boots that were louder than Keyan’s music.

The pitch was a quagmire. Persistent rain had made it very slippy underfoot. In horse racing terms the going was “Soft to Face-plant”. So that’s why Alex wore day-glo yellow boots – so he could see his feet and see if he was standing up in 3ft of mud, or actually upside down in a ruck admiring the rain clouds. The wind was swirling so that was going to create a lottery of the kicking game. Best of luck Ryan and Dave handling that crucial part of the game.

Chippenham kicked off – the wind behind them - and Billy caught the ball on 2nd attempt and went on a good run, well supported by Dave and Lucas. Chippy earnt a penalty and kicked to the Stroud 22. They duly won their lineout and using the wind well kicked diagonally into space. They recovered the bar-of-soap (sorry ball) and pressured the Stroud line. A few heroic tackles led by Lucas, Stoner and Arthurs nose looked to have held them out but Chippy persisted well and powered over in the corner. The kick was missed, but Arthur was missed even more as he had to go off for a pro-longed blood injury. 5-0 to Chippenham.

Chippy returned the kickoff well. The lessons from Clifton last week had still not been learnt – partly because a number of players were missing from Friday training where we had spent more time on this. Stroud were lucky and were given a penalty (the refs whistle much more effective at stopping a Chippenham kick returner than a Stroud kick chase tackle). Stroud tapped and went left and Big Mac and Keyan made good distance until Keyan was forced into touch. Chippy won their 22 lineout and kicked with the wind. Alex returned it well to keep the pressure back on. The forwards did well to win the ruck and set the backs off to the left. Keyan at #8 picked at the base of the next ruck but was held up short. More quick breakdown work from Orgy and Bernie gave Flash the space to set the backs off to the right. Ryan’s perfectly timed pass to Big Mac allowed him to crash through from centre and score close to the posts. The swirling wind and the treacherous footing caused Dave to drag the kick left but Stroud were back in business at 5-5.

Stroud knocked on their kick-off (Friday night training anyone?) giving Chippy a scrum deep in the Stroud half. Their backs attacked right and Big Mac put in a stout tackle. Chippy were dominating the breakdown – partly helped by Stroud forwards appearing to be watching the sprawl of bodies to pickup tips! They went blind side with their big forward. Brave Billy chopped him down and forced a knock-on. Stroud won their scrum 22 and attacked right and left but just got forced sideways due to good Chippy defensive pressure and lack of deep enough studs (12” heels anyone?) to change direction in the swamp. Eventually Stroud knocked on and Chippy had a scrum restart on the Stroud 22. They quickly attacked left and their backs created a good overlap. Alex managed to tackle them just short but quick recycling and even quicker hands to the right gave Chippy a well deserved try in the corner. The kick was missed but they led 10-5.

Stroud kicked off and quickly engineered a turnover – couldn’t tell who it was – too much mud on their face. Good forward runs from Stoner and Bailey punched holes in the Chippy line. Then Dave and Alex made good yardage. Ruck formed and won. Ball to Ryan who was closed down quickly but put in a great step and dummy pass to outwit the defender and run into space. Ball out to Fin who made good ground. Back came Chippy though and engineered another turnover as the backs got isolated. Chippy went through a few phases and then managed to break out of their 22 with some missed tackles. As a try beckoned full-back Nigel flashed his perfect teeth, clicked his heels quickstep style to show off his bright boots and the centre fell over blinded – or was he embarrassed? Sorry too much Strictly…….”Back to Life, back to Reality” (Phil’s favourite band Soul II Soul he saw at Butlin’s)…. Alex took him down with a typical tackle and status quo was restored (Another of Phil’s fav bands).

The next few minutes was chaos in the middle – aka knock-ons, turnovers, and penalties in equal measure. Chippy were in the ascendency though and slowly marched into the Stroud 22. Eventually they engineered an overlap and scored in the left corner. Another no-kick made it 15-5 to Chippy.

Chippy had another good kick return until Euan’s head stopped them abruptly and forced a turnover. Darion benefited with a powerful run but Chippy were still dominating the breakdown and forced another turnover. It was all wasted though as Bernie and Lucas combined well in the tackle to force a Chippy knock-on and Stroud scrum restart. A good shove and Orgy hook gave Stroud a good attacking option but the ball was knocked on in contact as Chippy’s quick defense forced another uncharacteristic error. Chippy won their scrum on halfway and kicked deep. Fin did an acrobatic catch under great pressure but was quickly swallowed up by the kick chase. The ball disappeared into the mud (another Phil fav band), but Chippy dug it out well – JCB assisted – how did the ref not spot that?. The Chippy forwards then jumped in the dumper truck and powered through the mud and debris to score another try. Another kick miss made it 20-5.

Stroud kicked off and Liam was the tackle lead this time. Chippy attacked left and good defense from Fin and Big Mac forced a knock-on. Stroud won their scrum restart and went left. Billy made some good moves down the wing. Good rucking gave Darion a pick and run. Then Keyan powered forward. Ryan shimmied through some gaps that didn’t exist and earnt a penalty close to the try line. A quick tap penalty looked to have earnt Stroud a try but we were held up. We won the scrum restart and Keyan picked from the base of scrum. Again Chippy kept him out. This time Jedd tried to punch through but after a heroic effort was forced onto touch. Back for a penalty for offside. Another Stroud scrum 5 but this time we knocked on from the base as the ball sunk into the swamp. The Ref’s whistle blew to call in the ball search party – and to have a half time break.

Half Time: Stroud 5 – 20 Chippenham

Coach Churchill had a big hole to dig Stroud out of. He read the riot act – in a controlled, positive, engaging tone of voice – no one brave enough to tell him that he had made a grammatical error with his Queen’s English. The subs were rotated again and the players sent out to try and turn around a game that was quickly slipping away. It was easier to turn around an oil tanker at 30 knots than to arrest this team slide was the mutterings coming from the sideline…..

Never fear. Stroud were ready for a much better 2nd half – aka a Clifton re-run from last weekend.

Stroud kicked long and the Chippy #8 returned it at pace. Boom he was floored by a massive tackle. Innovative Hilly had dug a trench at half time (careless Chippy had left their JCB on the pitch) and set a man-trap that floored him. Great skills and a great morale booster for the rest of the team. The ball was knocked on and Stroud had a scrum restart on the Chippy 22 that they duly won. The backs went weaving to try and find space. Big Mac went left and right. A long pass to Dave was well caught in the wind but quickly snuffed out as Chippy knew which players to key-on. Keyan was another target for them but his powerful run from the ruck threatened to score until he was dragged down illegally and Stroud earnt a penalty. Quick thinking from Hilly and a tap penalty set Dave lose from 5 metres out and he scored in the corner. A great kick attempt from wide just missed but Stroud had started off positively to close to 10-20.

Time for Kick return duty – would Friday training have helped? Chippy kicked short and we feared the worst as Ryan stepped up to catch the ball and we expected him to be pancaked to the floor. We needn’t have worried. He showed a great hips shimmy to avoid the on-rushing tacklers – dance moves he must have learnt from his Dad on the Rotherham club circuit – or was it Phil at Butlin’s?. Ryan dug in his crampons (Jo had left them behind and just taken skis) and powered off up the middle of the pitch all on his own. As heavy legs started to tire we feared the worst but more great moves and sheer determination allowed him to break a few desperate tackles and score under the posts. What a fantastic effort – just like something Will would normally conjur from nothing. Dave slotted the first conversion of the game and it was now interesting at 17-20.

Keyan ran back the next kickoff well. Dave, Big Mac and Darion also had some punishing runs. Chippy were worried and were infringing at the breakdown. Stroud had a penalty and kicked deep for touch but the ball stayed in as the wind conspired against us. Chippy ran it back well and eventually hacked it into touch on half way. Stroud had a lineout but this awful wind was causing havoc for both teams and the ref adjudged not straight. Chippy were well coached and opted for scrum restart to guarantee keeping possession. They attacked left and a number of missed tackles gave them an easy run to the try line. The kick was missed but Chippy were now 8 ahead at 17-25.

Chippy knocked-on their kickoff and the game settled into a game of attrition. More knock-ons, scrums and penalties. Players going off injured and drastic line-up re-organisations. At one point the Stroud backs lined up as Hilly, Ryan, Alex, Big Mac, Flash, Jamie and Fin. Not a single player in their normal position apart from Miner Hilly, and he was often seen digging deep into the ruck to retrieve the ball (much to the admiration of the Chippy coach who applauded his tenacity at the breakdown!). “Swiss-army knife” won another ruck turnover for Stroud. Who was this? Another new player? Covered in red from an earlier nose bleed, with a first aid sign stamped on the side from Delia. Looked just like a pen-knife with a Swiss flag. It was flanker Arthur of course. Now needed into the back row role instead of his customary backs position.

The highlights in the next few minutes were big runs from Keyan and Jedd, more deft feet from Ryan, and tackles from Alex and Fin. Eventually Stroud tired from their constant attacks and tackles and Chippy took advantage with a good backs move and a kick to the wing that defied gravity and mud and they picked up well and scored a good try. As is customary for the conditions the kick was missed but Chippy had a buffer at 17-30.

Chippy ran back the kickoff well and threatened another score but were penalised at the breakdown. A returning Dave kicked well to touch. Orgy found Darion at the lineout with a great catch. Stroud attacked again with Billy and Fin working well together. The ball was back to the right and Jamie found himself with a lot to do but did well to control the ball, make some moves and securely lay the ball back for the next attack. Great breakdown work from Callum and Stoner gave Stroud clean ball. This spurred on Stroud and Darion had a bullocking run from the ruck. Eventually Stroud lost the ball in contact and Chippy escaped with good moves. Arthur was on a tackling mission. This time he didn’t use his nose (lesson learnt from 1st 2 minutes) and instead ripped the ball lose forcing a knock-on.

Stroud had a scrum on half way and attacked right. Dave and Alex in the centres combined well with some quick hands and good lines to break through the Chippy line. Darion supported well and took on the ball at the next breakdown. Chippy were penalised at the ruck and a quick tap penalty right and even quicker hands got the ball out to Alex. He traded in his yellow boots for a Massey Ferguson tractor and dug a trench to the try line. He ploughed a great furrow against the grain to power over the line and score a try. Who needs studs to change direction in the slippy mud when running a straight line is much more productive? Dave did an excellent conversion and Stroud were now only losing 24-30.

One more converted try and we could steal this. The ref checked his watch and blew for full time and a dramatic last play was denied – or had there been a special signal from the Stroud Director of Rugby watching from the press box asking for the game to be stopped as his pitch was getting cut up a treat? Plus he didn’t want the risk of any more injuries to the Stroud U15s as they were his prospective starters 4 years from now and needed wrapping in cotton wool!

Full Time: Stroud 24 – 30 Chippenham

Both teams applauded each other off the pitch. Chippenham had fully deserved their win. They were much more clinical at the breakdown and not losing the ball as much in contact. The weather and pitch conditions had definitely affected both teams from playing their normal games but still an enjoyable close game of rugby had been played against all odds.

Over both games it was honours even to both sides. We can clutch at straws and claim an aggregate victory of 75-71. Try count was probably equal so we’ll go to kicking prowess. We definitely won that over both games. But we can’t clutch at straws as there were none left in the clubhouse bar. Coach Mk II had used them all up with his midnight drinking games. Something about acting as pain relief for his poorly leg……

The kids retreated to the changing rooms to try and shower off the layers of mud. Based on how quick both sets of players came upstairs still covered in mud – but still suited, tied and booted – the showers were still set on -3. Dave and Keyan still took their customary 30 minute changing. But this time they paid for it as they came upstairs looking frostbitten and needing a warm chilli to re-invigorate them.

Cheltenham next week. Let’s put on a performance to be proud of and get back to winning ways. Training on Friday – please try and make it as its crucial to aid development of the whole team and talk through errors, improvements and new moves.